No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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