hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
