The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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