I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Less talking, more tequila
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
