Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
