it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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