Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
