When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
