We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
