Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
