ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
