i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
