I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
