you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
