i think my tv is drunk
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
