I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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