I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
