I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Houston, we have a blender
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How does one acquire holy water?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
