Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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