You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
