if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
