awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
