it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
