We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
