i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
