I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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