just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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