That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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