i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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