dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
