Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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