just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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