Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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