I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
