I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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