I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
