yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I stole a fireplace last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
