from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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