Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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