i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
