Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
