Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If that was your dad, he is hot
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
did you just send me my own nude
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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