ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
