k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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