We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
