There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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