Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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