Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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