Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
