Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
