Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
