A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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