smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
