I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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