omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
