Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
