Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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