Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
