you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
