If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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