If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
