woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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