Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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