so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
